Happiness: what are we doing wrong and how to make it right!


We want to find happiness in other people.

This comes from trying to find happiness in our family, friends, and partners.  We want them to fill voids in our lives and create happiness within us.  However, that is a lot of responsibility.  If people have the power to control our happiness then we are giving them power over all of our emotions.  They can trigger us to become angry, happy, sad, excited, depressed, etc.  We allow them to dictate our mood for the day.  If our boyfriend/girlfriend pisses us off we are triggered with resentment and anger for the rest of the day.  It’s a vicious cycle of constantly seeking out what should be found within.  We can’t feel settled unless we get the validation we need from others.

We want to find happiness in things/possessions.

How many studies do we need to read or self help books do we need to purchase until we finally realize how much we buy our happiness.  We know its temporary and we know it’s tangible.  But we want it.  We LOVE that feeling of NEW.  We cherish and almost feel high when we leave the mall with shopping bags of things we probably have at home.  However, when we feel depressed, sad, or angry we feel that need for retail therapy.  And they know it.  Marketers know when to target you and how to make you feel like you NEED that product in order to feel better again.  Makeup counters love a good divorce or shitty day because you will make their job a hell of a lot easier.  Of course, if you’re too depressed to even leave your house well there is no need.  Retail therapy can happen right in the privacy of your home.  Yet, when those “things” end up being “old things” you end up feeling the same and with less money in your account or jeopardizing your credit card account, yet again.

We want to find happiness in escaping.

This one is tricky.  First, we can look at it literally.  We are only “happy” when we are flying out of here and hitting the islands or another country.  When we LEAVE our problems behind and “live life.”  The euphoric feeling of being carefree.  It’s as though we must live day to day like robots, but only on vacation do we actually feel alive.  Or the other types of escape we do on a daily basis.  The wine we must have at night or severe cases of having an addiction.  We need to mentally get away and are never satisfied with our present moment.  We turn on the television and visit the reality shows.  We watch people…live their lives?  Or we consume ourselves with work or our children in order to forget what is truly going on in our own world.  “Bobby’s practice is at 6pm” and “I have a deadline” are commonly used in our vocabulary.

We want to find happiness in the search for happiness.

Let’s take a real good look at this one.  Why was the international bestseller, Eat, Pray, Love, such a phenomenon?  Why was every woman on the train reading a copy and wanting to experience the very same thing.  It was a woman living a life she thought she wanted only to discover she was living a lie.  So she embarked on this journey.  And after reading her story all we wanted was one question answered: How do WE do that?  Perhaps we all feel like we are living some fake version of ourselves and want to explore what it would be like to just find some truth to ourselves.

So now what…

Now it’s time to stop.  STOP.  Happiness is not out there anywhere.  Happiness is not money or that job that you thought you truly wanted.  Happiness is not a career or being defined by a career.  Happiness is definitely not something to be purchased.  Its right inside.  It’s been there all along.  No secret hiding place.  No journey or voyage.  It’s just there.  However, we have blocked it.  Once you find your authentic truth and begin to live your life truthfully and honestly you will find it.

So here…

Stop being friends with people who suck or are toxic to you.  If they put you down you need to let them go.

Stop going to a job that makes you feel like shit every morning.  Granted, we all need a job.  But at least don’t settle.  Look around.  Put your resume out there.  Never feel stuck or desperate.  There are always new possibilities if you put yourself out there.

Stop with the dead end relationships.  No she/he will not change.  They will always be who they are today.  If you are not happy with the person you are with TODAY, then chances are you will never be.  Stop holding onto someone out of fear of being alone.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  Okay, we know.  Life can be extremely fucked up.  But it goes on.  Staying stuck in the past will always limit you.  Forgive. Let it go.  Move on.

Stop hating yourself.  You’re beautiful.  You’re attractive.  You do not need to prove you have money by purchasing new suits or brand name bags.  You do not need to advertise your body in order to feel complete by the number of likes.  You do not need followers in order to know that people care about you.  You are enough.  You have always been enough.



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