What ‘Get Over It’ Really Means
By Monica Y Mateo
Whether you’re grieving a divorce, death, event or illness many people will eventually tell you to, “get over it.” Your limit for grief and/or anger comes with a societal expiration date. But does that really reflect your lack of coping skills or does it reflect our inhumane way of thinking? We have become numb and desensitized to the point that we find the abnormal–normal. We find people who “feel” weak and we have created this notion that “strength” comes from accepting our fate and moving forward.
How many times have you read a post and mumbled to yourself, “oh, just get over it already.” My question for you is: why? Why does it bother you when people continue to vent? Why does it bother you when someone isn’t moving on like you would want them to?
Here are a few reasons why you might find yourself blurting out the common phrase or why people may even say it to you:
- Uncomfortable with negative emotions. Most people feel awkward when others are going through tough times. They don’t know how to handle negative emotions so they want them to go away. It’s their own defense mechanism and/or lack of understanding of how to deal with painful issues. We should find empathy and compassion for those that are dealing with certain issues or life events. It’s important to remember that we are all connected in the human experience of life.
- Follow more than they lead. The common mindset is: there is nothing you can do about it so deal with it and move on. Well, perhaps that might be true in their mind, but that doesn’t mean it’s how it has to be for everyone. If every single person had that mentality we would never progress in our lives. We would live in stagnant misery. If something bothers you, voice it. If your hurt, feel it. If your angry, shout it. Change happens by taking action and sometimes it means rocking the boat.
- Narcissistic. If you’re grieving that means the spotlight is on you and that’s very bad news for a narcissistic personality. They want the attention back on them so they force you to grieve quickly in order to return to business as usual. They will also hijack your pain if you let them. You begin to talk about the loss of your partner and you end up listening to hours about how they lost their aunt twice removed ten years ago.
- Desensitized. I remember getting diagnosed with cancer and it was as though I was telling my boss I was going home for the day because of the flu. I was an inconvenience because that meant someone would have to cover my work. People have become desensitized to the human experience. We have forgotten that we are HUMAN.
- You’re bringing up their shortcomings. If you’ve been hurt by someone in a relationship and forgave whatever harm they caused you– they are under the impression it will never be discussed again. They don’t want their shortcomings or faults exposed repeatedly. The issue is when the discussion hasn’t fully been resolved. If you’re trying to talk about the issue and they continue to tell you to, “get over it,” it’s important to re-evaluate the relationship. It’s not enough to wake up the next day and forget what happened. We can’t live in a forgive and forget world. We need to live in a “talk and heal” world.
Don’t get over it. Don’t move on. Deal with what’s hurting you and be brave enough to take action.
THE CANCER WARRIOR AVAILABLE APRIL 2017 ON AMAZON.COM
About the author:
Monica Y. Mateo is a licensed social worker by day and writer/blogger by night. She is currently working on her memoir, The Cancer Warrior, to be published April 2017. She is also the founder of The Chic Warriors Movement. A chic way to handle the chaos of life. It is a way to overcome hardships and trauma like a true warrior. It is understanding that life can be challenging, but with the right attitude — can be magnificent. It is the journey to heath and healing!
Monica Y. Mateo is a 7 year survivor of Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma ALK+, which taught her that people can change unhealthy patterns and behaviors. She enjoys yoga and practices Buddhism, which has taken her on an adventure of a lifetime.
Disclaimer: MONICAYMATEO.COM is not providing medical advice and this information is not in place of medical advice.